S-x Ed for Homeschoolers

The s-x talk is coming soon, but you don’t know that.

Batu Gezer on Unsplash

1.

Go to a Wendy’s in Nazareth, Pennsylvania on Eisenhower Boulevard with your parents. Make sure it’s the Wendy’s on Eisenhower Boulevard, not the one off Route 322.

The one on Eisenhower Boulevard is so much better since you can drive past the Nazareth Steel Mill.

This mill, covering a thousand acres, used to make steel for the entire country, for the world, and now it’s decaying, falling apart, crumbling next to a polluted river.

If you have s-x before marriage, this is what will happen to you.

2.

“Well, this is nice,” your mom says, as you all get out of your dad’s 1986 cream Chevrolet Celebrity in the Wendy’s parking lot. “Spending time with you.”

You smile.

But you’re together all day. Every day.

You’re fucking homeschooled. It’s right there in the name.

“Yeah,” you say, as you open the Wendy’s door for your parents.

“Oh, what a gentleman,” your mom says. “Someone must have done a good job raising you. And so handsome.”

You smile wide, like someone has just given you the best compliment of your whole…